Emotional Garbage Processing
For reaching your highest potential
By Colin E. Davis
> Originally, this was a post on my musician Facebook page in September 2014.
I’d like to give you guys a huge gift. This is something I have spent my life working up to. With my partner Melissa Mari, we have been healing ourselves and becoming our highest potential as human beings as a consequence of this work. What I am going to share is one slice of the work we have been doing, but its a very important slice. If you are not ready for it, that’s totally ok. You can come back to it later, or skim it and it will sit and stew until its useful to you. If you are ready to heal yourself of destructive cycles and access true passion in life, here is a formula that should work for everyone in our culture. This formula is about your emotional/psychic garbage and how to clean it out. This post is about a technique for accessing your highest potential and ending destructive cycles.
Much of what we think about and talk about is related to what we don’t want. We talk about how this or that guy or girl did this or that to me, or how messed up someone else is, or the world is, or how ugly or stupid this or that is, etc. Or we play the victim-victor game and get either sad/guilty about how bad things are for us or we get angry and want to get back and someone or something that hurt us. And we are always getting hurt or into fights or somehow wounded. Conflict inside and out. Round and round it goes. And maybe when we want to create a new life for ourselves. we always find that something or someone comes in and puts a stop to that. Or perhaps even just contemplating our new and more prosperous lives is interfered with by parasitic thoughts that come in and just mess with our beautiful picture. I’ve personally noticed that when I am creating, when I am making art of any kind, a project of any kind, or taking care of someone else’s needs, then I am more free of that destructive stuff. So I can understand why many people distract themselves with work or caretaking or art. Did you ever wonder if you were the only one who had the destructive thoughts and cycles that you have? Did you think that it was just your mind that was a destructive chaotic mess? Or maybe you realized there were others like you, and you found friends who were just as crazy as you, and you found that was way to accept your own destruction, because you could all be crazy together. J
The thing is that we’re all like this in this society. I can go into my research into the destructive aspect of civilization, and why it wounds us at some point, but for here, I want to talk about you and your predicament right now. You have two choices. You can keep playing the games described above, and get deeper and deeper into blame and distraction, pass the programming on to your children, and even go on for 40 more years like that and then go out with cancer or a stroke or heart attack…or even suicide (Robin Williams)…or you can take a quantum leap out of the whole mess and shift into a reality of making Life Art, beautiful, self loving, satisfying, deeply resonant Life Art. Even death metal music if you want to, but you won’t have to create it out of anger anymore.
Life Art is a term Melissa Mari and I use to describe living life as though every interaction, every thought and feeling, every relationship, every action and response is art. And when you make art, if its good, it means you put care and attention into it. And it means that it has multiple layers of meaning. Art is deep. It transmits your deepest essence into the world in a way that can be absorbed by everyone. Life Art is living in a way that allows us to live life as an ongoing masterpiece of personal art. Now the funny thing is that we are actually already doing this. Our lives are already art, but we just don’t know it usually. So when we think about negative stuff and act out all the garbage cycles like I was talking about, we are still creating our Life Art, but as a huge psychic garbage pile. Its cool, its still art, but is that the kind of art you are here on this amazing planet to create?
So how does one change the situation? We have to take out the garbage that is the source of these destructive thoughts, feelings and cycles. It’s simple really. Simple but not easy. It takes a lot of effort, and you will face a lot of opposition at first. That opposition will come in the form of thoughts, habits, and even from external sources like friends, family and even seemingly random events that work to drive us back into the anger/guilt/sadness/ distraction/addiction, etc. Many of us have tried many times to break the cycles, and found that we are right back where we started after a short time. A new relationship turns out to be the same as the old one, a new job ends up being just as abusive as the old one, a calm moment is destroyed by a thought or a feeling, or a phone call that takes us right back to the anger/guilt/sadness, etc.
Also if you are generally depressed, not getting a spark out of life, generally dissatisfied with life this is because you have walled off your capacity to feel life to protect yourself from your emotional garbage. As you clear the garbage, the clarity and love for life returns.
First. here ‘s how it works. The destructive cycles and events are all coming from you. You are creating them all, even the seemingly random or outside events. Ill explain how that trick works in a minute. But first lets look at the source. There’s a part of you that you have not ever fully looked at and dealt with. You have a large garbage pile, or maybe a small one now that is growing and its walled off from your awareness as a protective mechanism. In a way its a good thing, or at least it is for the civilization as a whole. This particular society wounds people by its nature and if people had to face those wounds daily, there would be no time for building rockets, growing economies, and colonizing, and truthfully, many of the things we do so well in this society which would come to an end, because they are partially fueled by our repressed emotional energy.
But anyway, we are sitting on ever growing bags of emotional and psychic garbage that we just stock away. If any of it leaks out, someone will say we have to “get over it”, as if the thing to do when faced by rotting garbage on our kitchen floor is to step over it and not clean it up. We have all been stepping over our garbage and not cleaning it up. Our parents did this, their parents did this and now we are doing this. Its a part of our culture. But the thing is that we are a global culture now. There’s no more land to conquer, no more “Indians” to kill, not much more pristine nature to smash and burn. We can’t act out this psychic garbage as a way to express it anymore. So its coming right back in our faces now. Look at the newspaper…look at your life or your friends and family’s lives. See the garbage? Its everywhere now. See all the disease? That’s a symptom of our psychic garbage, plain and simple. If you have a major illness its because you have not yet accessed a huge pile of emotional garbage. The system will tell you its a genetic disease, but the scientist who discovered that disease is just as full of garbage as anyone else.
Now this garbage is really energy. Just a little bit of science real quick here. Everything in this universe is really energy that is vibrating according to resonance, polarity and the fundamentals of energy propagation. So energy packets, like sound for example will tend to build in intensity where they find a similar resonance. This can be a coherent or “positive” interaction or it can be a disharmonic or “negative” interaction. Or a combination of both. So when we hold on to emotional-psychic garbage, that is really energy that is sitting there resonating, putting its signature frequencies and patterns out into the world. You are like a cell phone tower putting out massive signals everywhere you go. You transmit in a local way and in a non-local or quantum way. So you would think that if you are not near someone else and you are vibrating a certain way it wont effect them, but because of the non-locality or quantum nature of energy propagation, the way you vibrate attracts “like” energy from everywhere in the universe. You see that? You are broadcasting your energy patterns into every dimension, even those you didnt know existed. And there are other energy systems interacting with you that you had no idea about, but for now, let me stick to this everyday reality or dimension.
So you can see how you are attracting what you are attracting. If you are attracting really helpful and loving friends, that’s because you are really helpful and loving. And if you are attracting really destructive and negative friends, that’s because you are really destructive and negative. But you say to yourself “I’m not a bad person, I’m not trying to be destructive”. That’s true. That’s true. But with all of those destructive thoughts and feelings swimming around, many of which are totally outside of your awareness, you can see why you are attracting this. I see all of your posts on my timeline, I can see where you are at energetically and I can see what you are probably attracting at that moment. What you ‘have’ shows where you’re ‘at’. Your life is a mirror of what’s going on inside you because of the way energy works.
The way to stop the disharmony is to create inner harmony, but before you turn away because you’ve heard that a thousand times, let me add the secret ingredient here. The way to create inner harmony is to clean out your garbage. That’s the part most people don’t want to do, even many “gurus” who talk about harmony and resonance and meditation and holistic health and all of that. Some people create amazing, amazing Life Art for themselves because they don’t have a lot of garbage. They had healthy family lives, they were given real care and inspired by their families and environments. Others of us have been dropped on our heads more than a few times and abandoned and had to survive in less than optimum conditions, so we have a lot more garbage to clean out. Some of us have inherent genius that is so bright that it shines right through the garbage and because we are so compelled by our own genius, and because its a good distraction, and because others love us for it, we leave the garbage alone until its builds up really high (Robin Williams).
So, how do we clean out the garbage? Again its simple, but not easy. First, before I explain the technique, we have to allow it. Allow yourself to go through it. Allow yourself to look at it. Allow yourself to be ok with the fact that you have a lot of garbage. Be ok with it. Accept it, allow it. Allow yourself to take time to go through it. Allow this garbage processing effort to be a part of your life, not just for a while but for life. Its like working out in the gym or getting into healthy eating. It takes a while to get into it and then it becomes a part of your life that you do forever. You don’t just eat well for a year then go back to Burger King. You learn how to eat healthy and you continue that discipline for life. But it becomes a normal part of your routine and not hard after a while. So the first step is allowance and ultimately this means to allow this garbage processing to be known to your friends, and family. Maybe not at first but eventually you allow yourself to show others that you are into self healing. That means they will know you’re wounded, but they’re wounded too. They have just not yet taken the steps you have and so they may have a negative response. That’s ok. In the end, their reaction is just a reaction to the part of you that is still doubting the process. Go on, move through the fear. Keep allowing.
After allowance, there is a technique, and its not the only one, and you may find another, but I have the feeling that this technique is related to most methods that work, at least in this culture. What you do is – you sit with it. It’s that simple. Since you have already accepted this garbage as part of you, you can sit with it, you can embrace it and you can ventilate and integrate it. Melissa and I say: Illuminate, integrate, recreate. By sitting with the feelings and allowing them to come up, completely, and not distracting away from them, the energy dissipates and then the symptoms start to disappear.
Eventually you learn to do this any time you feel charged. You realize that this charge is because you are resonating with like energy inside you that is still repressed. It has to come out. When it does, the charge disappears and any symptoms of that repression including destructive thoughts and cycles begin to go away. When we act out by lashing out at others or going into self destruction we are not actually integrating the repressed energy, we are just expressing it. It has to be integrated with allowance, through the body. In this way, we come to realize that outside events or others’ actions that charge us are actually co-related to our own state of being, and because we have the power to integrate that energy, we can take total responsibility for our own state and heal ourselves regardless of other’s actions. Here are some examples with more detail:
You wake up one morning angry, or sad or feeling something yukky. You don’t know where it came from, or perhaps you think you do. Perhaps it was something that happened the night before that you are still processing. It feels like crap, you want it to go away, you think of a distraction like work, or food, or a movie, or playing guitar or something to distract. Maybe you rationalize why you can’t deal with that feeling now, but that’s just a tactic. So anyway, you’re feeling this feeling and so the technique is to go sit down, in a quiet environment, and just breathe slowly, and do some basic breathing and tell yourself that you allow any and all of this energy to come up and to enter your mind and body. Sometimes thoughts will appear, images and things that look like the cause of your feelings. Maybe you see someone else saying something that hurt you, maybe it was recent, maybe its a parent from a long time ago. Or maybe no images, maybe just feelings. Allow it all. Just allow all of those thoughts and feelings to emerge. The thoughts are really just images that distract from the feelings because really the real energy here that is causing the bad mood is emotional or feeling energy. So the technique here is to allow that energy to find a release in your body. This is a body technique and the mind part is not so important at first. Allow the mind to say what it says and keep accessing the feeling. Feel it in your lower body, feel it in your heart, or wherever it is. Allow it to fill your body with heat. You will probably begin to cry when you hit a certain place. Perfect, this is what you want. Cry as long and hard as you need to. 1 minute is good or 1 hour is good, or whatever. Whatever is there, allow it. Don’t stop until you feel you have done what you need to do. It will get easier each time. Men may have harder time at first. No problem, a few of these and you will get the hang of it. If there is anger first, allow it. All of it. But don’t act on it, let it fill your body. Behind that anger is probably sadness and after a few times, you can access that deeper emotion.
Now, lets say it was not just a feeling you woke up with but that you got into an argument, or someone broke into your car the night before and you just found out, or your child came home with a note saying they were expelled from school for fighting, or any single thing that charges you. Anything that makes you immediately feel sad, angry, guilty, or any kind of strong negative emotion. At first you will see the cause as outside of you and you will desperately want to react and change the situation. You will want to lash out in an angry way to that person who offended you. They are hurting you and you are not going to have it. Or maybe that’s not your style, maybe you just immediately start crying, or maybe a terrible feeling arises in your gut and you feel incredibly scared. It doesn’t matter what your particular type of reaction is, its not pleasant and it makes you want to react.
Until you get good at this, you will react. You wont be able to stop yourself. But because you are committed to this work, you catch it right after you have reacted and lashed out or moved into a negative feeling state. Eventually you will catch yourself in mid reaction. Doesn’t matter when you see yourself reacting, as soon as you see it, go sit down or lay down or get in your car and drive to a safe place and sit with it. Watch the mind try to play scenes over and over and allow it. But importantly allow the feelings to emerge. Allow the real feelings behind that reaction to emerge. Allow the old memories to come back. Allow yourself to see the correlation between this event and an old event from your past. Soon you will find that every time you are offended or reactive its because the event which occurred is very similar to something that happened to you a long time ago that wounded you. Its always this. Its always a wound that is triggered and this is why you are reacting. Your deepest physiological system, the limbic system has been triggered. You were wounded way back in a certain way and that wound created an emotional energy packet that is now stored in your mind-body system. You walled it off so you could grow up and be in the world and because no one allowed you to access it before. It was just accessed when that outside event occurred, and its like someone touched you where your skin was burned. You jump back. “Ouch! Don’t do that!” But like a burn or wound on your skin, it needs to be carefully attended to. It needs to be aired out, drained, and cleaned up. Your emotional wounds need to be attended to, drained and cleaned up too.
Now when you are feeling this yukky feeling, whether it was something that slowly came on or something that came out of a rapid triggering event, it doesn’t matter. The moment you can, you go sit with it and allow that feeling energy to come up. Cry about it, or feel ANY feeling that comes up. You are draining the wound. As you do this more and more, you will feel cleared. It may actually not come for a day or two after you do the clearing, but you will feel mental and emotional space. If you are on a spiritual quest, and you want heightened states of consciousness, especially access to your heart and the co-creative potential that brings, you will HAVE to do this work to get there.
Often we are in a relationship that contains a lot of triggering “script”. When we get into destructive cycles with each other in relationship, its not possible to walk away from the other and go sit in a room and cry. If you have been in a fight with someone and you try to run away the moment you realize you are triggered because you want to go clear the wound, they will follow you. They will follow you into the room and scream at you. You cant run away from them. So if you can get your partner to come to know this technique and to wake up to the cycles with you, you can both do the clearing together and this is the ultimate. If you can get there with your partner you are in the best relationship you can be in. Together you can clear yourselves and make tremendous progress. If this is not possible yet, I will show you another technique. This technique works if you are both awake to the process or not.
All arguments and traumatic events of any kind are caused by old wounds which are being triggered, and it doesn’t matter if you take the aggressor role or the victim role, you have been wounded. We are all wounded and this is the reason why we are all in these cycles. We choose a role and play that role, but its all coming from the same place. If you are wounded as a child, and this is where it all comes from, what would be the ultimate way you could have been treated? If you were wounded in any way as a child, what kind of response would you have wanted from a parent or family member? You would have wanted to be cared for, given compassion and care. You would have wanted to be loved. If you had been loved instead of punished or guilt tripped or ignored, you would not have been wounded. Children who get hurt physically or emotionally heal very quickly if they are responded to with compassion. The reason you have those wounds is because your family was wounded and they didn’t have the capacity to respond in a compassionate or generally healthy way. So your wounds never healed.
“The heart is toxic to the virus”. When we are turning a destructive cycle in relationship and one of us wakes up in mid cycle or right after it, we can just assume that it is the wounded part of us from way back that’s actually what is activated. So if you are the one who wakes up first, you can embrace the other with compassion. Watch this work. First you will have to genuinely activate your heart. And this is hard to do when you are in mid reaction, but since you have been practicing the clearing on your own and you are more in touch with your feelings, you will be able to do it after a while. Doesn’t matter which role you’re in, if you can access compassion for the wounded child in the other and embrace him/her right there in the middle of the conflict, with true compassion, that will stop the cycle and reduce the reaction. After a while one of you will notice the cycle in mid reaction, stop, enter a deep feeling state of compassion, walk over to the other and embrace them. You will become the parent and you will heal the other who is wounded. If you are still feeling wounded yourself, just allow it. Later you can sit with that residual feeling and allow it to come up and clear out. After you do this a bit, your partner will see that what you are doing works and join you or allow you to do this. If you do not get success with this method, its only because you have not truly accessed your compassion so they have not felt your loving intent. As you do the work more, you will turn this power on more.
The last thing I will say for today is that you will definitely find opposition to this work and you will find yourself too lazy, distracted or just too addicted to your own cycles of anger or sadness and victimhood to do this work. That’s ok. You have built up an entire system to keep your old programming intact. That old way of reacting and feeling bad is programmed into you and will resist change. So just do this at the rate you can and the more discipline you find, the easier it will get and the more it will work in time.
There are some more advanced concepts that explain this work and more layers of depth I can go into in another post. I kept this version as basic as I could so that most people can get into it. If you have questions and really want to end the cycles, and clear the garbage, I will respond in the comment section below or in a private message. If you want other sources of info, I can send them to you.
You are not too manly to do this work. Real men have access to their compassion and healthy feeling states. You are not too wounded to do this work. It works for everyone. It only a matter of if you are ready to do it. When you’re ready, you can try it, adapt it for your own, and make your own practice. Later on, I will talk more about the opposition to this work, what Melissa and I call the Virus. I will talk about alternative states of reality and even stuff like demons, and other dimensional parasites. These are all names we give for energy systems and they can be dealt with scientifically or in any way one chooses. I wish you all the best in your quest towards healing and wholeness!